Three Takeaways: Untamed by Glennon Doyle

Read this book if you’re feeling lost in your life or are struggling to navigate difficult decisions. I read this book shortly after my long-term relationship with an amazing partner ended. This book did not assuage the heartache I felt. It did help me get clear on why endings are not always a bad thing.

What I loved most about this book was its candor.

What I did not like about this book was the sometimes absurd levels of sarcasm or bitterness in some chapters. But to be fair, who doesn’t appreciate sarcasm, and who isn’t a little bit bitter? Life’s hard.

Here are my Three Takeaways on Glennon Doyle’s Untamed:

1. Disappoint others before you disappoint yourself. This lesson resonates with me because I spent many years living my life bent around obligations and expectations. It was partly due to religious customs — but it was mostly because I valued others more than myself. Let me be clear when I say that is not the same thing as being selfless or selfish. It is about freedom and having permission to live your life. It serves no one, not even yourself, to live your life without your authority. You only end up enslaving others into decisions they don’t want or shouldn’t make for you, and you enslave yourself to the whim, love, and approval of others. Nobody wins that game.
2. Bravery is standing by your convictions. We often mistake courage and bravery for doing the thing we do not want to do. It is about stifling or denying our fears. Real bravery is about standing by your convictions no matter what, even when the naysayers egg you on or criticize you. Doyle’s older daughter chose not to get her ears pierced after her younger sister did so. The older daughter just simply realized she was not ready. That day was not the day she would do it. And that’s okay. Respecting your own boundaries, limitations, and convictions is brave, especially when others pressure you to cave.
3. There is more than one true version of your life. We all grow up, get older, move homes, and change jobs. Life is not static — it shouldn’t be. Sometimes you will find that a decision you made years ago and led you to where you are now is no longer a life that is honorable to who you’ve become. It’s like walking through portals, unraveling different versions of yourself throughout time.

We go through life punishing ourselves for changing our minds when we should be forgiving. It’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them. It’s okay to course correct. It’s okay to start a new chapter of your life. You are meant to grow, and sometimes that also means outgrowing. It’s okay.

It took me a solid eight years to complete my bachelor’s degree. It took a long course correction between two universities, two countries, and detours across three majors. I used to be crippled with the fear that I’d never get a job because of my degree – but I got employed, am still employed, and am still pursuing my dreams to write.

Here are my parting words. Kim Kardashian failed the bar exam four times. She’s a polarizing figure. She’s 40 years old and she’s still trying to become a lawyer — for her, that’s the next and best true version of her life that she can see. You are entitled to be your best you, whatever that looks like.